The Clear Liquid Diet: A Comical and Creative Approach

I PROMISE laughs in this post. If not for you, then for me, seriously- prepare for some belly laughs. I’m all about keeping it real and being transparent-isn’t that what we all crave? So I’m laying it all out on the table today. I have the pleasure of having a gamut of GI tests tomorrow- including, yep, you guessed it- a colonoscopy. Live long enough and you’ll have one (or more) too. And it’s NOTHING to be embarrassed about. If anything, I should feel embarrassed about what has landed me here- ridiculous life stress that is manifesting internally. But all of that aside; there are 2 primary purposes to this post: 1.) So I can maintain a positive and comical attitude today while guzzling a ridiculous amount of clear liquids 2.) to share my uncensored findings on some interesting drinks/items available nowadays that are appropriate on a clear liquid diet and can possibly help you or a loved one when it’s time for your bowel prep.
I JUST got this bar cart this past weekend.. I’m breaking it in a little unconventionally, but whatev. #bottomsup

As you probably know- the colonoscopy itself is no big deal because they give you the good drugs, but the PREP, oh the prep. That’s the worst part- the part we all dread. Side note- this post covers only the humorous hydration portion of my day and makes an abrupt stop before any of the action starts.

So let’s get started!  First thing first, the Clear Liquid Rating Scale ranges from 1 to 10. With 1 being the worst and 10 being the best. 10 is like cream soda.
This post is brought to you by coffee. If the clear liquid diet didn’t allow for coffee…. well, I just can’t imagine. I was stoked to find this canned coffee without dairy. I love me some dairy, but it’s creamy, not clear. This High Brew Coffee claims to be “better not bitter” and it’s pretty on point- smooth taste, AND it’s made in Austin, so I’ll give it a 9.
I honestly thought this next one was going to be the BEST drink I found. I LOVE banana flavor. I love banana so much I even love artificial banana flavor and this is all natural banana-ness. But holy crap, this tasted like a banana died and a mango threw up on it. I. just. can’t. It’s a negative on the scale.
After that banana monstrosity, it was time to bust out the big guns. Fake wine. I mean, it’s Prosecco flavored Italian soda; I felt like I was cheating the system. All that was missing was…. Prosecco. But on the scale, I’ll give it a solid 7.
Here’s a positive- when only indulging in mocktails, you can mix drinks without getting sick. So after I was done wining, I went straight to the Prickly Pear Italian Soda- which I thought was going to remind me of the Prickly Pear Margaritas I’ve enjoyed over the years. W-R-O-N-G. It needed something… something like tequila. So I had a sip (not of tequila) from a shot glass and retired that drink choice. Besides, it was pink and one of the bazillion things you can’t have on clear liquids is anything red. Oh, and without anything mixed with this bad boy, I give it a 5, but I’d drink it over that dead banana drink any day.
One of the many things I learned today is that there are A TON of teas on the market. And pretty much all of them (unless they have a red ingredient or fresh lemon pulp) are okie dokie on clear liquids. BUT that doesn’t mean you should drink all of them.

That peach mango Steaz- not a fan. Like a 4 on the scale.

The Sorta Sweet Snapple Straight Up Tea in Honey Green- not too shabby. That whole line of Sorta Sweet Straight Up Teas is pretty impressive. They’re not packed with sugar, but they’re also not completely unsweet. I’d give it an 8.

The Ginger Honest T was light, refreshing and served as a nice palate cleanser with all the other competing flavors. Lets give that one a 7. Lastly, the Titan Tea (Peach Green Tea flavor) was pretty darn impressive. Had a crisp, fresh taste and is infused with electrolytes which is nice considering my overall hydration goals today. I give it a 9.

By the middle of the afternoon I was rather tired of gambling and wanted a clutch sweet drink. Insert Cream Soda here. I mean, that’s like the drink the rating scale is based on really. 10= cream soda. All I need now is a big slab of brisket to go with it.
The IZZE Sparkling Peach was pretty good too- at least a 7 on the scale, but I was so wrapped up in the cream soda to care about much of anything else.
Last, but certainly not least- the frozen treats. Sour Patch Kids Popsicles? Any other day I would have cringed a bit seeing these in the aisle and thought about all the ridiculous marketing to kids, BUT yeah, not today. Score. Boom. Double word score. Don’t judge me- the lime and orange was intoxicatingly good AND each stick has a joke on it. “Why was the farmer upset? Because his cows were Moo-Dy”. I think my sugar rush is making everything funny. Sour Patch Pops get a 10.

​The Minute Maid Frozen Orangeade gets a 9, but only because I wanted it to taste like a creamsicle, but you can’t have a creamiscle on clear liquids!! BUT you can have a lot more than you thought and I’ll definitely be having a lot more tomorrow when I can actually chew my calories. 

Thanks for hanging with me today. From my colon to yours, cheers!
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29 Responses

  1. Ha! This was hilarious, Shannon and I have a feeling cream soda would have been my 10 too. I’ll be seeing 50 in a few years and my first colonoscopy (hopefully not before then.) I’ll be sure to refer back to your clear liquid ‘review’. P.S. Hope the test results are all negative (in a good way 🙂

    1. Hi Deanna! Thanks so much for reading this. Being positive during the prep makes all the difference in the real world. Maybe by the time you have yours the sparkling Prosecco drink will taste more like real wine ;). Yes, overall it was a good report- thank you!

  2. OMG I loved this!!! As you know from my IG comment, I had the pleasure of getting one at 21 years old! Unfortunately, I was FT in my job and had only the Go-Lytely to use… OMG, worst 36 hours of my life. Yes, I had to do the prep for 36 hours because my system was so slow… and to think, 50 grams of fiber a day and I still have these issues… oye vey!!
    GOOD LUCK! Sending your good vibes!

    1. 36 hours?!?! Oh my gosh. There are no words. Glad that’s behind you! They have pills now- I swallowed 28 horse sized pills instead of drinking the nasty stuff! I had PLENTY to drink throughout the day though :).

  3. Oh my goodness!!!! I laughed so loud Chris had to leave the couch! FUNNY!
    Thanks for the entertaining and creative teaching points!

  4. Win Win for this post! Facing same procedure in the next year, both husband and I, and pondering the options for prep can be so confusing. (reading labels for dye, even being afraid of orange dye, etc etc). I usually end up buying him filtered apple juice, ginger ale, and making lemon Jello for the previous times he’s had this done. Great ideas here.
    May your recovery be a wonderful day of eating good stuff.

    1. Hi Leslie! Oh no; sorry you both have this around the corner! As you probably know, the procedure is a piece of cake, it’s the prep that’s for the birds! I too was worried about orange dye and double checked with the nurse- she told me orange was fine. But with ALL the liquids I had, I figured there was enough variety that orange should be okay. Best of luck to you both!

  5. omg too funny! Of course not the colonoscopy part, but the prep for it 😛 I actually had to try all those liquids in my masters class as a sports nutrition grad student, because of dealing with people on those kinds of diets as a dietitian…so I feel your pain! haha, good luck!

    1. Hi Sarah! No doubt you had to familiarize yourself with all those options! Good for you for staying on top of all the choices out there :).

  6. LOL Love this post! You sure did a lot of research on the best tasting clear liquids! I’ll have to remember this when I have to get a colonoscopy.

    1. Hi Lindsey! Thanks :). Hope you don’t need one anytime soon, but hopefully this post will come in handy whenever you need it!

  7. This is fantastic!!! What a fun way to make an unpleasant process a little more light hearted. I love the honest reviews. I think this encourages all who are due for a colonoscopy and cancer screening. Way to go, good job! Colon health for the win!!

    1. Thank you, Stephanie! Appreciate you reading and yes…colon health for the win! One of my clients just told me today that she wishes I would have written this last month when her daughter had a colonoscopy. Really hoping this post helps others in the long run!

    1. Thanks, Abbey! So glad I wrote it while on clear liquids and not after the prep- don’t think I would have still had my sense of humor ;).

  8. Shannon For The Win! Thanks for sharing this. I have a Clear Liquids Diet Day coming up next week. I was looking for something better than broth, jello and 7-up and you brought the goods! Thank you!!

    1. Thanks so much, Valerie! I’m really glad you found this post helpful. Best of luck! And if you find any new items that are clear liquid, would love to know what you tried/liked!

  9. Thank you so much for your comical and enlightening view! About the embark on this this fun adventure tomorrow! Was looking for a fresh idea on clear liquids! ?? Thanks for the giggle!

    1. Hi DeAnna! I’m so glad you got a kick out of this and also found it helpful- definitely what I was hoping to accomplish. Thank you for taking the time to read/comment and I wish you all the best in your prep and procedure!

  10. Oh my – what a way to lighten a crappy day (pun intended) – ❤️ This post! I found this researching liquid diets to help prep for colonoscopy and I truly needed the laugh. I’ve been dreading this greatly…you post helped me find the other side of this procedure! Thanks for sharing!

    1. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, Lynan! Wish you all the very best with the procedure and I’m so glad this post is helpful- precisely why I wrote it. Humor really does ease the process! Blessings to you!

  11. hi shannon! i loved this piece you did! i know it was a couple of years ago, but do you have any helpful hints as how to make the suprep go better? anything delish to mix it with that just might make it easier?
    thanks so much!

    1. Hi Olga! Thanks so much for stopping by and I’m glad you found this post helpful! I so wish I had a wonderful secret to make the suprep more tolerable, but I don’t. I actually took the pills so I’m less familiar with this bowel prep method. However, I looked into suprep and my thoughts are that it’s important to follow the instructions on the package and mix with water. If you chose a tastier beverage to
      mix with the 6oz Suprep, it may affect the osmolarity (concentration) of the mixture- which can be important for helping to clear your bowels. That being said, after you’ve followed the instructions for the prep, then I’d reach for whatever you want that is clear liquids, tastier and more enjoyable! Sorry that I don’t have any magic answers for you. Blessings to you and I hope all goes well!

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